A few years ago, I attended a marriage seminar where a lady preached that wives should chase their husbands for their marriages to succeed. She explained that before marriage, a man chases the lady he loves but after marriage the attention may shift to accomplishments. I did not just dislike the message, I was angry at the woman. It was a period when I felt my husband was no longer true to what he portrayed in courtship days and I wished someone could tell him to be more romantic and there was a lady (not even a man) telling me to be chasing him. I felt an ideal man should be romantic and chase his wife but I came across many other wives who lament over their husbands not being romantic after marriage. It seems this ideal man is absent in many marriages.
Unfortunately, many ladies don’t understand this new battle of men placing more priority on their accomplishments compared to relationships. They may even hate the job thereby increasing the distance between them. Since he is suffering from love deficiency anyway, he could seek it elsewhere for a cheaper price. He could seek a younger lady who is satisfied with just having him in her life, ready to shower all her affection on him for a few pennies or a ride. By the way, it is easier for him to part with a little naira or dollars to get this love than labor hard to please his wife or get her aroused.
Are the men, right? No. Proverbs 12:27 says ‘The lazy man does not roast what he took in hunting, But diligence is man’s precious possession’. God expects a married man to shower affections on his wife, to assure her of his love every day, to make her secured and emotionally stable after the wedding. In fact, this will make the men’s prayers to be answered and they would prosper more. (1 Peter 3:7).
The issue is that ‘Two wrongs don’t make a right. Ladies, if you want to be happy and need that marriage to continue to fulfill God’s purpose, wise up. Stop expecting the ideal husband, move close to your husband, supply the deficient nutrient in your relationship, initiate romance when you have to, and pray for him. You have more responsibilities to keep a marriage. That is why the Bible says ‘A wise woman builds her home’ not a wise man.
I hear someone say, ‘Theory’! It is women they always preach at. Someone should talk to the men. Maybe you are even angry at me the way I was at the preacher woman. But the one-million-dollar question in my heart is ‘If this theory has helped many women and their husbands to be happy and fulfill God’s purpose for their lives, why not adopt it? Why not make the sacrifice for your husband to be the man God wants him to be rather than allow him get worse? God has a purpose for your marriage. Let it prevail over your emotions.